Stages of Grief

Denial - "This isn't happening to me..."  We don't want to believe the loss.  We pretend it isn't so, or that it doesn't really matter to us.  Sometimes we use excessive activity to defend against the pain, or we may withdraw and sleep a lot.

Anger - "Why is this happening to me...?"  It isn't fair!  Sometimes the anger we feel manifests itself in many ways.  We can blame others for our loss; we become easily agitated, we have emotional outbursts.  We may even become angry with ourselves.

Bargaining - "I promise I'll be a better person if ..."  We may offer something to try to take away the reality of what has happened.  We try to make a deal to have what we loved back as it was before the loss occurred.  Children almost always feel responsible for a loss they experience.

Depression - "I don't care anymore..."  This may be the most difficult stage.  We can feel listless and/or helpless or like life has no purpose anymore.  With the realization that the loss occurred, and that it cannot be undone, there is an intense awareness of how much the loss is missed - particularly at moments that were shared and treasured (i.e., mealtimes, bedtime, holidays).

Acceptance - "I'm ready for whatever comes..."  We begin to feel okay again, but we do not feel total acceptance.  The process may start again, or we may return to one of the earlier stages.  Each new loss, of course, generates a new round of feelings.

Reminder:  The stages of grief may not occur in order.  Some people, based on their ability to cope, may skip a stage or, as memories are triggered and important life events occur, actually revert to an earlier stage of grief.  This is all a normal part of the grieving process.  Given time, help and support, the ultimate goal would be for the person to reach the Acceptance stage.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, "On Death and Dying"